What I've learned most this past couple of years with depression, and the road to healing is that you have to know and realize what kinds of people/things influence it even when you don't know it. With that being said, I've cut about half of the people I used to talk to out of my life. That sounds so harsh, and I get it. I do love all people, but I have found out I can love some of those people from afar.
What I have also learned is to really be discerning what I listen to. Enter podcasts, music, books.
I've replaced a substantial amount of noise with the right things. Depression can make it hard and confusing when you put yourself in the way of opinions, thoughts, judgement. It can a person think they are not worthy. Depression is straight from the enemy, if you want a biblical perspective. It says in the bible he is out to kill, steal and destroy. (John 10:10) It also says he lies in his native language and the father of lies. (John 8:44) He wants nothing more than to make you believe and live upset, troubled, mad, hurt, and depressed.
Here are some personal things I have traded this past year for more important ways of treating my illness. Plus some things that helped.
Podcasts. I'm a true believer in using my phone for good. In the past, I realized mindless scrolling and looking in on people's lives was making my mind irractic and I came away feeling depleted and feeling less than. So, I can listen to podcasts without having my phone lit up. I can clean, run errands and more with a podcast, My favorite podcast is Setapartgirl. All one word. She is amazing, and other podcasts pale in comparison. More podcasts I love are Journeywomen, Oprah's Super Soul Conversations, Revelation Wellness. I have more I listen to, but those are the MVP's.
Books. I have come to realize just because it is written by a woman with a woman's perspective doesn't mean its going to help me. A lot of books out there are a ton of fluff. My personal favorite are the ones that think there are ten easy steps toward anything. I don't think we as woman need to have a rule book that makes us feel that if we make dinner and slap on a happy face that will cure our problems. Our problems have roots, and we have to get to that root. Some of the books I love are Dance, stand run by Jess Connolly, The Life Giving Table by Sally Clarkson, Uninvited by Lysa TerKerust. I believe a lot of books mean well, with messages that say "Live Present", "Live Free' but fail to have any sound doctrine.
Looking out for the wrong messages. Listen, I totally have believed the slogan "Love Yourself", "They believe she couldn't, so she did". While these are amazing to look at, to me they just aren't all the way true. Nothing beneath the surface. Yes we are called to love ourselves, but we can't strive everyday to love ourselves and focus on ourselves when there is a dying, hurting world out there. Let's love others. Maybe they believed she couldn't, so God did. I always look deeper.
Friends and Family who just don't get it, and don't want to. The reason I put up the picture of my husband and girls is that in therapy, I learned that their opinions is truly the only one that matters to me, along with some very close other family. I used to let "family" walk all over me, tell me what they thought, never get to know me, or challenge me. Ten years of that. I felt like I was in an ocean and as soon as I got my head above water, here came another wave. I love family, I believe in tribe, circles, surrounding yourself with kindred souls who push you forward and support you, and thank the good Lord I have those. In gaining my circle, I also had to let some out of the circle. They didn't take that well. If they truly love you, they will find a way back in and change how they treat you. With depression, you just can't pour out and never get anything back. I just can't bounce back fast if someone takes and takes from me and I never see the fruits. This doesn't mean I hate their guts. It just means I love from afar.
Again, these are just my thoughts. Others may have more to add to this list, or different thoughts. But if you're in the thick of it, changing what you listen to all around, may put you on the road to healing. Not stuck in the ditch.
Ashley
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