Summary of my past 6 months

It’s been a while since I’ve written in this space. I gave up blogging a long time ago so when I made this blog I promised myself to only write when provoked to share. No rules or schedules. I had a pretty bad start to the year. In came 2018 with panic attacks, fear and then I stopped taking my antidepressants which is a HUGE NO for me. I quickly learned I not only went downhill, I threw myself downhill.

Fast forward a few months ago and I got back on meds and back to counseling. Lots of processing with my counselor through unforgivness, hurt, and what moving on looks like right now. And so I wanted to come in and tell you what I feel I’ve been learning in the last few months.

1. It’s okay to fail. It’s okay to show humility and weakness. We have a savior who is our strength. I can’t be strong all the time nor do I want to be.

2. Say yes instead of saying no. At the beginning of the summer I was adamant on saying ‘no’ to a lot so I could ‘rest’ but that really meant I just didn’t feel like getting out and doing anything, with anyone other than my family. I didn’t feel like it physically or mentally. But something happened over this summer and I said YES but only to all the best ways of serving my family and friends. I said yes to my kids when I would of said no. I said yes to new things like painting classes and even the PTA board at my kids school- which I didn’t think I would ever do. But I notice when I say my best YES, it’s changed and challenged me as a person. To grow and get out there and talk to people and seek community. God doesn’t want me to stay the same or exactly where I am. I had to fight to grow, and it feels so good.

3. My panic attacks dissolved after I put fear in its place. Which is back to the enemy. I lived and breathed FEAR for most of my life. Fear of failure and hurt, but I’m so thankful I sought help and told my close family and friends what I was going through- and the ones that truly love me don’t hold high expectations or silly demands of me, they get I have mental illness and they help me. Not make me feel bad. I still have boughts I’d fear but I am better equipped to handle it now.

4. I’ve forgiven a lot of people, but my sweet counselor and also WISE counselor said I don’t have to be their best friend. Forgiveness and relationship doesn’t have to go hand in hand. We can be nice and friendly, but we can set boundaries. Even if it hurts feelings.

And that my friends, is a little summary of my past 6 months. ❤️ Mental illness is hard but I’m moving forward slowly- into a new season and I can feel it in my bones. A change of heart and mind is coming, and it’s closer to my people and to Jesus.


Ash