The REAL about depression, and it may not be what you think.

 One of my favorite pictures of my reasons WHY I'm fighting and not giving in to my depression.

I have a very hard time talking about my depression, because I don't want it to define me or be a black cloud where people run away. I try not to mention it unless there is power behind it. A way to help others. A light shown on the problem. \

Most things people don't know about depression/ stigmas:

If you don't have it, don't form an opinion on it. Its a disease that the person with it can't help. Saying things like "Well, shes bipolar today" or "Just cheer up" is truly ignorant when you don't know the half of how they are feeling. People shouldn't make shallow remarks to someone dealing with it. Making them feel guilty may deter them from seeking help, thinking they are a failure. Words need to be life giving and educated towards a person with depression. Its an isolating illness.

Thinking a depressed person can snap out of it, and be fine in seconds is another one of my favorites. No one chooses depression. They just learn to live with it.

Thinking a person is weak for choosing the route of medication, therapy or both. I love the saying "God will heal your depression!" or they will go into their own story about how they were delivered out of it with natural remedies. Well, I love God and I am very strong in my faith but sometimes God doesn't fix it. Maybe its apart of our story, maybe its apart of His plan. I haven't found the right answer yet. But God did give us doctors, therapists and medicine for a reason. I do believe in turning to God himself first of all, and all the rest of my remedies are secondary.

Mental illness is not just one lumped together disease. Its a wide range of conditions with different symptoms. There are 450 million people worldwide that suffer from mental illness.

Okay, now on to the good things about mental illness. Here is what I've learned about myself in this journey.

It's forced me to have better, intentional relationships, and weed out the bad ones. The first few years as a new mom weren't my best years. Depression robbed most of those years. But, in the recent years, my illness has made me wake up and seek to have a very close family unit. I encourage my husband and children to talk about what they are feeling, what they are thinking. Even though they don't have depression- it makes all of us open up and talk.

It's made me more compassionate. I am very aware of others and their circumstances, their feelings. I reach out and ask. I don't like putting a fake front out there that everything is okay, everyday. That I never suffer or feel down. We should be reaching each other on a more transparent level, making them feel comfortable to share what is really going on in their hearts.

It's forced me to seek out for an objective voice. I finally went to therapy this year. One of the hardest things I've ever had to do. but she makes me dig under the surface to the roots of my heart. Which is not something I wanted to do. I never knew the extent of what I was harboring all those years. To name a few- unforgivness, a horrible sense of self worth, and extreme anxiety. That hour is an hour I pour out, and I don't have to burden my family with wanting to talk about it all the time. I don't want to make anyone else feel down, so I channel it in to therapy.

It's made me need God more now than ever. Praying and interceeding is huge. Ive read more of the bible in the last year than ever before. I've come to my knees more than ever before. This year is the first year I feel I'm healing, and not in a dark place like the last 10 years.

Lastly, its made me see that life has been hard and I have the battle scars. I'll never be unscathed from the past. But, I can change the future. My kids. My family. My faith. Some days are so tough. If I gave into my illness, I wouldn't even get out of bed in the morning. Believe me, every morning I feel it. I make myself get up, I make myself live life. I break through the zipped up sleeping bag feeling. Which is- thats what my depression feels like- a zipped up sleeping bag I can't get out of, which is not how I want to feel for the rest of my life.

Reach out to others. If you don't have it, if you have it. Reach out. For help, for education. Start the hard conversation, and you'll be far from where you started. You wouldn't even know someone people have depression, because they try and conceal it. Reach out, around those walls and break in. It might just be the most revolutionary thing you can do. You may help them, you may save their life.


Ashley